12 Pains of Christmas
by Baka No Hanyou
Summary: my Christmas fic of the YYH gang and my OCs to the song of 12 Pains of Christmas. rating due to cursing


Heh. And here I was thinking that I wouldn't get a Christmas fic idea this year. Thank you, Santa, for this idea.

**The first thing at Christmas,  
That's such a pain to me:  
Is finding a Christmas tree.**

AG and Hiei stood shivering, burying themselves in as far as they could into their coats.  
"Can't you shiver hurry this up?! We're shiver freezing our asses off!" Hiei growled.  
Youko Shi, Miko Akizuki in the human world, held a little kid's hand, contemplating what Christmas tree to get with Shuichi. Miko looked back at the human and fire demon. "Oh, hush. I don't see Daemon complaining."  
"That's because shiver he can't fucking shiver talk!" AG said through gritted teeth. "But I bet he's cold, too, considering he was raised in Makai's version of the Sahara! The poor lion demon could probably freeze his ass off, too!"

**The second thing at Christmas,  
That's such a pain to me:  
Rigging up the lights.  
And finding a Christmas tree.**

This was AG's favorite part of the holidays. The Christmas lights she got to put up all over the studio. She made sure that her tenants living area could make the sun envious. AG's Studio was always the brightest thing in all of Japan.  
She pulled them down from the Closet of Anxiety (also a time out spot for anyone who was deemed 'bad.' Hence, Closet of Anxiety), spreading the boxes out. Multicolored for outside; stars, trains, snowmen, reindeer, and angels for the yard; more multicolored ones for the tree; purple for some rooms and entry ways. All here.  
AG's hands went into the boxes. Out came a jumbled mess of lights.  
"WHO PUT THE LIGHTS BACK IN LAST YEAR, DAMNIT?!"

"What about this one?" Miko pointed to a fairly short one nearby."  
"There aren't enough branches in the back. Besides, can't you sense it's about to die?"  
"Oh, for the love of-" Hiei growled.

**The third thing at Christmas  
That's such a pain to me:  
Hangovers.  
Rigging up the lights.  
And finding a Christmas tree.  
**

"They say at the holidays to eat, drink, and be merry," Daichi said. His black hair glowed in the light, fox ears twitching. "So are we gonna start light with the eggnog and work our way up? Or just go straight for the alcoholic drinks, starting with the sake?"  
"Definitely the sake," Yusuke commented.  
"Then what are we waiting for?" Kuwabara grinned, reaching for his own bottle.  
"I think they're soon gonna regret this," Kitsune mumbled to herself.

AG grumbled as one light string was undone.  
"One down, 99 more to go." She cursed in 3 different languages.

"This one looks nice," Shuichi pointed to a tall tree.  
"That wouldn't fit in my goddamn fucking studio!" AG was starting to lose it. If she had to stay out here in this cold much longer, she would change right here in front of all the humans just so she could make a warm barrier around her with BH's fire demon powers. Already, Hiei had made one. But the heartless bastard didn't even make it go around her. Che. So much for fangirl loyalty. Not to mention the fact that she was only his betrothed's human side. 'Pff. Fine, Hiei-sama. I didn't like you, either,' she thought.

**  
The fourth thing at Christmas,  
That's such a pain to me:  
Sending Christmas cards.  
Hangovers.  
Rigging up the lights.  
And finding a Christmas tree.  
**

"Kitsune?" AG rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she opened the shoji door to Kitsune's room. "It's 2 in the morning. Why are you still up?"  
"Christmas cards, mistress," the red fox turned human with fox magic said.  
"Christmas cards must be made and sent."  
"Christmas cards to whom?" AG squinted, the light too bright for her sleep filled eyes.  
"Well, your mother and father, Master Genkai and Miss Yukina, Keiko and Yusuke, the Hatanaka family-"  
"Oy, vey," AG mumbled.

Kuwabara passed out first.  
"HAHA! Wha' a zoooooork!" Yusuke slurred, taking another slug of his whiskey. They had moved up from the sake.  
"Heh heh. I'm dot dakin' 'im zo bed," Daichi slurred as well, swaying slightly.  
BH sighed as she walked by the drunken heaps. "Boys."

"Wow….5 undone in 30 minutes. At this rate, I'll have the lights up by Easter." AG snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure Jesus would love lights on his resurrection day."

"Ya know what? Fuck this. I'm going to the car." AG stole the car keys out of Shuichi's pockets and headed out of the tree lot, Hiei following just so he didn't use all his energy to keep warm and Daemon holding AG's hand.

Miko and Shuichi looked at each other, shrugged, then went back to looking.

**The fifth thing at Christmas  
That's such a pain to me:  
Five months of bills!  
Sending Christmas cards.  
Hangovers.  
Rigging up the lights.  
And finding a Christmas tree.  
**

"Holy crap," Youko Shi sighed, rubbing her temples. Piles of bills lay before her. Why do bills always seem to pile up during the holidays? Shi looked at one of the bills. "Room service? What the heck?!"

"Your great-aunt in Florida, your aunt and uncle in Montana, your cousin in New York-"  
AG sat with this far away look on her face, mouth open to catch flies, drool starting to spill out.

All 3 boys were soon out of it. No one bothered to clean up the mess that night.

"All this work and I still haven't even put the lights up yet," AG groaned.  
Outside, the sun was slowly setting, which meant that if she didn't hurry, she wouldn't be able to put up the lights this weekend, for she had school tomorrow.

The heater of the car was on full blast as the 3 sat in the back. Daemon soon fell asleep. Hiei looked out at the new wet snow falling and AG read a library book.  
"At this rate, we could just grow a Christmas tree instead of spending all this time looking for one," Shi groused.

**  
The sixth thing at Christmas  
That's such a pain to me:  
Facing my in-laws.  
Five months of bills.  
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards.  
Hangovers.  
Rigging up these lights.  
And finding a Christmas tree.**

"What the heck?!" AG yelled. "When did you two have parents?! I did not create you two that way!"  
Youko Shi and her older brother Daichi both flinched. If she yelled any louder, she'd soon be using her Mystic Whistle scream. It didn't matter that they were demons, she had gotten it so any and all who heard it were affected.  
"Well, that's just it. We just got letters saying they were coming," Daichi, drunk again, said quietly.  
AG sighed. Whenever Daichi was like that, she knew it meant he was drunk. His first Christmas with them, and he was already getting too used to the idea of Christmas spirit. 'I think he's missing the point of the holiday,' AG thought, forgetting about Shi's and Daichi's parents coming. A fire demon father and a kitsune mother just wasn't on the list for this Christmas.

"Well, at least this bill makes sense….sort of," Shi put on a pair of reading glasses. 'Only 2,970 years old and I'm using reading glasses,' Shi whined to herself.

"Oh, we can't forget Enma-daioh and Flame, they are your bosses and-"

AG had fallen asleep a long time ago.

"Kuwabara! Hurry up in the bathroom! I'm gonna-" Yusuke didn't finish his sentence as he lost his alcohol all over the hallway.  
"YUSUKE!"  
Yusuke flinched at the Mystic Whistle scream.  
"YOU'RE CLEANING UP THAT MESS! AND THIS HALLWAY HAD BETTER BE GERM FREE BY THE TIME YOUR DONE!"

"Yay! All the lights are untangled! And it's only-" AG looked at the clock, then facevaulted. "6 o'clock! Holy crap! I gotta get a move on!"

"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" AG shoved Hiei into the front behind the wheel.  
"What the hell are-" Hiei turned around to complain, but stopped when he saw he was met with eyes redder than his.  
"You-drive-now! I don't care if you have to ram Kurama's car through the fence to do it, we're leaving, goddamn it!"

**The seventh thing at Christmas,  
That's such a pain to me:  
The Salvation Army.  
Facing my in-laws.  
Five months of bills!  
Sending Christmas cards.  
Ohhh geeez.  
I'm tryin to rig up these lights!  
And finding a Christmas tree.  
**

RING-RING-RING-RING-RING-RING-RING-RI-click  
"Moshi moshi," Shi's voice said through the receiver of the phone.  
"Hello. This is Arc. There will be a truck in your neighborhood Tuesday and we were wondering if you had anything you would like to donate?"  
"Hold on." Shi put her hand over the receiver as she yelled, "Hey, AG, do we have anything for Arc?"  
"Yeah!" came the yell from above in the attic, where the American Spirit Detective was getting down some Christmas decorations.

Shi put her head back to the phone. "Yes."  
"Alright then. The truck will be by sometime in the morning."  
"Okay, bye," Shi hung up. As she looked up, she spotted AG coming down the stairs, tons of boxes balanced in her arms.  
Shi's eyes widened. "We haven't collected THAT many decorations in only 3 years, have we?!"  
"I wish. This is the stuff for Arc we can give away."  
"Is it really wise to give them so much?" Hiei came from around the corner.  
"You might start giving them ideas that we're made of this crap."  
AG's eyes narrowed, briefly flashing red. "We are made of this so-called crap, Hiei. In fact, a lot of your clothes are in here. I'm sure some poor little kid will love them. Heh. Along with your katana."  
Hiei didn't believe her threat, but when he felt for it on his back, all he felt was air.  
"Why you-" Hiei pounced on a laughing AG.

"I sure hope that AG's expenses don't become exhausted after this," Shi sighed as she licked an envelope, the most expensive one, to the electric company.

"-And…" Kitsune finally noticed that she wasn't being heard. She sighed, as she went back to signing the Christmas cards with 'AG's Studio: Band of Thieves.'

"Second night of Christmas holiday," Daichi smiled. "SAKE!"  
The girls all rubbed their temples, knowing it would be another long night.

Kurama and Shi looked up as the noise of tires screeching and a crash brought their attention away from the trees. Their eyes widened as it was Kurama's car that came crashing through the tree lot. They noticed that it came right at them, and they jumped in two different directions. The car came to a sudden halt, and the two back doors opened and the two kitsunes were pulled in. The car doors shut as Hiei put the pedal to the medal.  
"Drive Hiei! Just make sure you don't kill us!" came one voice.  
"Don't you dare hurt my car, Hiei!" another yell came.

**The eighth thing at Christmas,  
That's such a pain to me:  
I want a transformer for Christmas.  
Charities, and what do you mean YOUR in-laws?!  
Five months of bills.  
Ughh, makin' up these cards.  
Oh, Edith get me a beer huh?  
What we have no extension cords?!  
And finding a Christmas tree.  
**

BH held Daemon's hand as they walked through Target. BH let him wander off as she looked through video games. As she looked over a Tekken Tag for PS2, she heard laughter inside her head. She looked up. What had Daemon gotten into now?  
BH found him in the toy section…with the anime, of course. They had brainwashed him with it.  
::I want the transformer for Christmas!:: Daemon squealed.

Daemon was only 5, but since he had been abandoned, he hadn't learned how to talk. So BH had taught him to talk telepathically. But since he always spoke mind to mind, they doubted he would learn to talk regularly now.  
"Daemon, I know for a fact that we did not shove Transformers into your head. You are not getting one of our hated anime for Christmas."  
Daemon's lower lip trembled.

Shi hung up the phone again. "Salvation Army."  
"Take half of what I gave to Arc and give it to them," AG said, walking by.

"Hey guys. My mom wants to crash here." Yusuke slipped into the dojo where everyone was training.  
BH swung a bo staff down at Yoko Shi, who dodged. "Fine, Yusuke. She can have a drinking contest with Daichi for all I care."  
"Getting hectic, huh?" Yoko Shi slashed at BH with her leaf blade, a green scimitar looking weapon that was attached to her arm.  
BH spun out of reach. "Oh yeah."

"God, why do we have to pay these?!" Yoko Shi growled. "If not for AG, your economy would be crashing like the second Stock Market Crash."

"Kitsune, c'mon! No one's gonna care if they get Christmas cards or not!"  
"Oh, by the way, miss, you got this in the mail today." Without stopping,  
Kitsune held up a letter in AG's face.  
AG blinked, taking the letter. She opened it.  
It was a Christmas card from Enma-daioh.  
"…………………..Let me help you with those Christmas cards, Kitsune."

"DAICHI!"  
"YUSUKE!"  
"KAZUMA!"  
The girls stole the sake bottles from them.

"I SWEAR WHEN I FIND OUT WHO PUT THE LIGHTS BACK LAST YEAR THEY ARE GONNA PAY! WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PUT THE EXTENSION CORDS?!" AG looked through the boxes, in storage closets, and in the attic, but no extension cords.

Hiei pulled Kurama's car into the Shopko parking lot, double parking. AG immediately hopped out. But Kurama and Shi sat in the back, hands over their racing hearts, eyes wide.  
"God, Hiei, did you have to get the police on our tail?!" Shi practically screamed.  
"Sorry," Hiei smirked, not really meaning it. "I'm not much more of a designated driver than AG would be." Hiei took Daemon's hand and walked into the store, following in AG's wake.

**The ninth thing at Christmas  
That's such a pain to me:  
Finding parking spaces,  
Daddy, I want some candy!  
Donations!  
Facing my in-laws.  
Five months of bills.  
Writing out those Christmas cards.  
Hangovers.  
Now why the hell are they blinking?!  
And finding a Christmas tree.**

"Sorry, Kurama. I thought I had all my Christmas shopping done." AG looked down.  
"It's alright, really," Kurama said. "I need a few things from the store anyways. Kurama entered the parking lot of Target.  
"Holy crap, it's crowded," AG commented.  
"I think we might have trouble finding a parking spot." Kurama sweatdropped.

Daemon pulled at BH's arm. ::Want candy!::  
"Aren't you sugar high enough?" BH grumbled. Daemon ran off to the little boys clothing department. She sighed, then sensed that two women were pointing at her, whispering about her weird clothing. Well, exCUSE her for wanting to look like her father, Kuronue. She turned on them.  
"What?! Ain't never seen an RPer before?!" She scoffed. "Of course not, you don't even know what RP means." She walked off after Daemon, leaving two stunned women.

"Hey, AG, the Firefighters Association is looking for money donations-" Shi entered AG's computer room.  
"Then give them $150," AG said without looking away.

"Okay, so who all is coming for Christmas?" AG asked  
"Well, the Urameshi gang, with Keiko, Shizuru, and Atsuko, Flame, Cloud, Blaze, Hotaru, Tamashi, Rita, and Zack. And I think Botan said she'd come by, too," Kitsune informed AG.  
"Ooh, boy. Glad I don't have to cook," AG commented.

Shi fell asleep on top of the pile of bills.

"How many haven't you done yet?" AG licked an envelope shut.  
"Oh, only a few more, Miss," Kitsune put a stamp on the envelope AG handed her.

"Yusuke, I'm curious," AG started. "Which way is up?"  
Yusuke pointed straight ahead of him.  
AG sweatdropped. "That's what I thought. Got the same answer from Daichi and Kuwabaka."

The kitsunes, Jaganshi, and lion demon tracked AG down in the back of the store, with all the Christmas decorations.  
"Ya see this?!" AG fumed. "This is our Christmas tree." She pointed to a box.  
"It's a fake. It requires no care, it's easy to put together, and most of all YA DON'T HAVE TO STAND OUT IN THE COLD TO FIND IT!"  
Everyone flinched.

**The tenth thing at Christmas  
That's such a pain to me:  
Batteries not included.  
No parking spaces.  
Buy me something!  
Get a job you bum!  
Facing my in-laws.  
Five months of bills.  
Yo-ho sending Christmas cards.  
Oh-geez look at this.  
One light goes out, they all go out!  
And finding a Christmas tree.  
**

"Hm…no batteries…Where are my rechargables?" AG started digging through her CD case.

"Found one yet?" AG asked Kurama as they stopped.  
"No…but this person's about to pull out."  
They sat there for five minutes waiting for that person to 'pull out.'

::I want it! I want it! I want it!::  
"Keep complaining and we'll leave," BH said over the Anime Insider she picked up.

The gang was driving away from Wal Mart, when next to the exit on the sidewalk sat a poor man with a sign that said, "the holiday season is the reason for giving."  
"Oh man! Not a bum!" Yusuke whined. He was promptly smacked by Keiko.  
"Yusuke, that isn't very nice! Poor guy…we should all pitch in."  
"Yeah," everyone chorused. Dollar bills were pulled out.  
As they drove by him, they all put their hands out to give him their money.  
The man took it slowly, as if he couldn't believe his good luck. "Thank you, thank you all so much."  
They nodded.

The studio filled with the pleasant aromas of turkey, and chocolate chip muffins, and pies, everyone, even AG, cooking something for the big feast for all their coming guests.

Kurama walked by the room the sleeping fox demon was in. He smiled to himself as he walked into the room and gently shook her awake.  
"Shi…Shi, wake up."  
Shi blinked up at him.  
"Maybe you should go to bed." Kurama smiled.  
"Yeah, probably," Shi stood, stretching and yawning. "Good night."  
"Good night, Shi."

"Almost done, Kitsune! Just three more cards!"  
"It helped that you helped, Mistress," Kitsune grinned at her.

"They are sad, aren't they?" Shizuru asked, lighting a cigarette.  
"Mmm." The other two girls nodded in agreement as they looked at their boys fast asleep…drunk, of course.

"DAMNIT NO! I DIDN'T ASK FOR A SERIES CIRCUIT!" It was dark out now, and cold. AG whined. "I don't wanna change one at night!"

They walked over to the counter, lugging the Christmas-tree-in-a-box behind them in a cart. AG walked in front of them, smiling, not helping.

**The eleventh thing at Christmas  
That's such a pain to me:  
Stale T.V. specials.  
Batteries not included.  
No parking spaces  
Mom, I gotta go bathroom!  
Charities!  
She's a witch, I hate her.  
Five months of bills.  
Oh, I don't even know half these people!  
Oh, who has the toilet paper, huh?  
Turn on a flashlight, I blew a fuse!  
And finding a Christmas tree.  
**

AG flipped through the channels on the TV, waiting for a commercial to end and landed on KidsWB.  
"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer again!" she whined.  
"Then maybe grandma should learn to stay out of a reindeer's way," Hiei commented.  
AG sweatdropped. "I think you're missing the point, Hiei."

"Dang it, where did I hide my rechargables?" AG looked in her backpack, which had last held her walkman with CDs.

Kurama had moved on from the so-called person who was 'pulling out' and found an empty fairly far away, but it would do. He waited for a car to pass by, when all of a sudden, some other car whipped right into his parking space.  
"Hey, come on now! I saw that spot before you did, baka ningen!"  
AG's eyes widened. "Calm down there, Youko."

Daemon suddenly tugged at BH's 'skirt.' BH looked down at him from Anime Insider. "What now?"  
::Gotta go bafroom!::  
BH rolled her eyes, setting down her magazine. "Come on, then." She pulled him towards the public restrooms.

"Aren't we going to do anything for Toys-for-Tots, Miss?" Kitsune asked.  
"Yeah. Let's head for the store and buy some brand new toys for them."

"Alright, boys, you're on," Atsuko, Daichi, Kuwabara, and Yusuke all held sake bottles, getting ready for a drinking contest. "GO!"

"HAHA!" Shi pumped her fist into the air as the last bill was sealed. "Beat that, bills!"

AG's eyes widened at how many people were in the Studio. She spotted a group of low D-class demons by the food table. She tapped Yusuke as he walked by.  
"Who the fuck are they?!" she hissed at him.  
He looked. "I have no idea."  
AG shoulders sagged. "Is it January yet?"

Soon, Atsuko, Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Daichi were living in the bathroom, giving offerings to the porcelain god.

AG plugged in the last light cord. The whole studio lit up for 3 seconds…then everything went dark.  
"Hey, who turned out the lights!"

The tree was bought and the box was brought into the studio.  
"We'll put it up tomorrow." AG yawned. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think it's time to go to bed."

**The twelfth thing at Christmas  
That's such a pain to me:  
Singing Christmas carols.  
Stale T.V. specials.  
Batteries not included.  
No parking!  
WAHH (crying)  
Charities.  
Gotta make 'em dinner.  
Five months of bills.  
I'm not sending 'em this year, that's it!  
Shut up, you!  
Fine, you're so smart! You rig up the lights!  
And finding a Christmas tree.  
**

AG leaned on a couch with a window behind it, looking out at the snowfall. It was going to be a white Christmas after all. She waved to a tour bus that was out looking at lights. She turned around as the sweet aromas of Christmas dinner filled the studio. Nearby, the fake pine twinkled with lights, garlands, ornamental balls and other such knickknacks. She went into the kitchen, where Keiko, Shizuru, Shi, and Kitsune were busy at working cooking 4 12-pound turkeys for Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, Hiei, Keiko, Shizuru, Atsuko, Genkai, Jin, Touya, Chu, Rinku, Shishi, Suzuka, Shi, Daichi, BH, Kitsune, Daemon, most of whom were stopping by later. Of course, they had sake for the drinkers. But smokers would have to go outside.

Soon, everyone began arriving. AG stood in the doorway to the dining room, an extremely long table filling with food and guests.  
"Why did you invite so many people? It's going to get very loud very soon," Hiei walked over to her.  
"Party pooper," she muttered.  
Shi walked in through the kitchen entry way, setting a turkey down on the table. Then she noticed the two in the doorway as a few more people walked in, setting random food on the table.  
"Look who's under the mistletoe!" she squealed, pointing at Hiei and BH.

They looked up as everyone else looked over. AG and Hiei looked at each other, wide eyed. AG shoved him away.  
"Look who's NOT under the mistletoe," AG said, eyes getting shifty. Everyone laughed.

Everyone sat around the table, making quite a ruckus, passing food around and stuffing their faces. A tapping on a wine glass soon had everyone's attention; they quieted and looked for the source of the clinking.  
The silver female kitsune stood, wine glass in hand. "I'd like to make a toast to all of us here this Christmas holiday. Merry Christmas!" She held up her glass.  
"Merry Christmas!" everyone chorused, clinking their glasses together.

Owari

Woohoo! I finished my Christmas fic on Christmas day. I hope everyone's having/had a merry Christmas! I know I did.

Happy holidays everyone!


End file.
